04-积极的环境改变人（哈佛幸福课-全部英文）

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Hi，monring
You know, when I ask them to dedicate the song, I had a slightly different song in mind.
But so be it, We do love you.
What we gonna talk about today, continuing from last time, is or are the basic premisess of this course.
Where were we coming from, where were we goning lay down.
In many ways the foundation of the spiral that we are going to create for the next semester together.
And last time we talked about how difficult change is, we talked about the Twin Studies, that illustrate that you konw
what Lykken and Telllegen said, that maybe changing our happiness levels is as difficult as futile as trying to change our height.
And then we talked about the error of the average and the mistake that these researches are making, misunderstanding the nature of change.
Because if someone changes, the question is no longer "Is it possible to change?" But rather "How is it possible to change?"
And we talked about the Somerville Cambridge Study, that literally the Rolls-Royce of interventions failed.
Five years, with the leading scientists, researchers, psychiatrists and psychologists from Cambridgge,Harvard and MIT.
Putting their minds and hearts with good intentions, to bring about changes, Failture.
Not only have they failed in bringing about positive change, they actual brought about negative change.
Remember Alcoholism rates went up for the intervention group compare to the control group.
The control group that enjoyed no intervention, actually were more likely to advance in their work place, twenty, thirty years later.
So change is difficult, but then we went over and said well, Marva Collins created the change.
So it is possible, Programs by Martin Seligmen and Karen Reivich.
And numerous others succeed in bringing about change. And the challenge is, for us,
if our goal is to become practical idealists, is to understand what it is tha brings about change, and bring about it.
Spread the Word, Spread the Word about the research.
Even if the research doesn't always communicate good news.
It's about communicating what works, what is real, as opposed to our whims, our desires, our hopes, our wishes
That's not enough. Good will, idealism, good intentions are not enough.
We need to be grounded in research. And this is very much what Maslow had in mind.
When he talked about the analogous Manhattan Project.
Where scientists, positive psychologists, or that time psychologists, social scientists would get together,
And pick out the tip of the stem. The few ideas, the few programs tha work and then replicate them.
Study the best, and then one of the student here Marin came to after class.
And she said "Tip of the stem is actually about democratizing excellence". I love that phrase, "Democratising excellence".
Studying the best and applying it to the rest of us. Okay, so we have this grand scheme, grand idea by Maslow.
To create a Manhatten type project, but what if I'm not interested in going to one of these projects, what if I'm not even interested in
becoming an academic.
just want to do things on my own, can I make a difference?
And the answer is absolutely yes. One of the most significant barriers, to people doing things in the world.
To actually introducing change is that they underestimate their ability to bring about change.
There is a lot of research in psychology, Primarily the people who started it are Emerson and Moscovici,
but many others who have done research showing how minority, very often one person can make a big difference, can make a significant difference.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: All history is a record of the power of minorites. and of minorities of one.
A lot to back that up in social science research, Margaret Mead, the anthropologist.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughful committed citizens can change the world.
Indeed it's the only thing that ever has.
All change begins in the mind of single person or a small group, and then it expands.
And the question is how does it expand, and why is it so difficult for us to understand.
Accept, assimilate and live according to the fact that we can make a difference.
If one understand that what we need to understand is how change happens.Change happens exponentially.
Our connection to other people and their connection to others. And so on, and so on, creates an exponential function.
Which explains-- for example, those who are fimilar with the Butterfly Effect.
How a butterfly flapping its wings in singapore, can theoretiacally cause a tornado in Florida.
Because a particle hits another and another and another.
It also expains the phenomenon of six degrees of serparation.
How we are all connected and all interconnected.In a web potentially of goodness.
To illustrate the exponential nature of human networks. Let's look at smiles.
What we know from research is that smiles are contagious. Someone smiles makes you smile. You smile, you make someone else smile, and so on and so on.
You know, even if someone goes pass in the street, and you don't smile ostensibly if you don't smile, there are certain micro muscles in your face.
that are moving that actualy make you feel better.So smiles are contagious.
Now, if you smiled to, or if you smile to or made three people smile.
And these three people each one make three other people smile.And those nine people then made three, each one make three other people smile.
Within twenty degrees of seperation, from your initial smile to the three people. The entire world will be smiling.
Exponential nature of social networks. The same with making other people feel good.
Complitmenting people, if you make three people, or even better, four people a day feel good.
And they make, they pay it forward, and make four others feel good, and so on and so on.
Within very little time, the whole world will be made to feel better.
This is the nature of an exponential function. So simile and laugh can contagious.
And to illustrate I want to show a quick video.
So, let's understand what is the nature of an exponential function. So we can understand the power of one.
I'm looking fot someone to making a deal with. Here is the deal.
What I'm going to do is ask you, this is all volunary.
Here is the deal. I'm gonna ask you to give me each day or rather I'm going to give you whoever signs this deal with me,
one thousand dollars every single day for the next thirty days.
And what you will give me in return is on the first day one cent, one penny, on the second day two cents, third day, four cents
Every day twice as much as the previous day. starting with one.
Who would like to make this deal with me? Again, every day I give you for the next thirty days thousand dollars.
What you do is every day fot the next thirty days give me one cent, and the next day two, four ,eight, and so on.
Any one? Ang takers? Looking for some more.
So, that's thirty thousand dollars done for me. Any more? okay, good. All right, so here is the deal.
Here is what will happen. on the thirtieth day I will give you another thousand dollars.
You will have total of thirty thousand dollars from me. On the thirtieth day I will be getting from you a total including the first
twenty-nine days, No rather on the thirtieth day I will be getting from you 5368709 dollars and 12 cents.
Double that. Times it by two.This is the amount of money that I will be making in one month. One cent on the first, two on the second and so on.
Now for most people it seems extraodinary, because people don't understand the nature of exponential function.
And therefore don't understand the nature of the power of one. Here is another example.
This captured my imagination. When I was a kid, my dad told me about the invention of the chess game.
Some of you know the story. So the invention of the chess game was an Indiam, who went to the local king.
And the king was very impressed with the game. And said "how can I reward you?"
And the chess player said "No it's okay, really" And the king said "No I want to reward you, How can I reward you?"
So the invention of the chess game said "Okay, What I'd like is, on the first, first block, first square, I would like one grain of rice."
On the second, I would like two grains of rice. On the third, four grains of rice. And so on and so on. That's my request.
And the King said, "Are you sure that's all you want? I'm prepared to give you a lot. And the inventor said yes.
So the king told his assistants to go and get the man to give the me his wish.
And when they started to calculate how much rice would be needed to fill up all the blocks.
All the way to 2 to the power of 63. They realized that the rice could fill up the entire world, with a thick layer.
Again, misleading failed to understand it. because we don't understand the nature of exponential change. Another, last one.
How many times do you think, you all have pieces of paper in front of you.
How many times do you think you need to roll over a piece of paper, for the piece of paper to reach the moon?
The moon 240000 miles away from us. How many times do you need to fold the piece of paper.
So that you can reach the moon. 41 times, and you fold it 41 times, by the end of the class, you can reach the moon.
I don't konw why they make such a big deal out of, you know, person landing on the moon.
Seems quite simple to me. And here is the point. We underestimate our capacity to affect change.
Because we underestimate the growth of an exponential function. Rule influencing people and the world every minute of our lives.
The question though is in which direction are we going to do it? Are we going to be a force for change.
Be deliberate, be practical idealists? Or just to have the good-intentions without the effort.
That's neccessary to bring about a positive exponential function. The final project for this course.
As you know, is a presentation that you will give. Whether it's for the FAS students or the Extension School students.
You are going to be giving a lecture to other people. When we put together the class, this is precisely what we thought about.
How you affect changes, and those people whom you change will hopefully influence others.
And so on, and so on. In many ways, the idea was taken from the film -- Pay it forward.
And what I wanna do is to show you a quick excerpt. just the coming-soon of Pay It Forward.
For those of you who haven't seen it. Because in "Pay It Forward".
They capture the very idea of human networks as exponential functions.
What if these world is a big disappointment. Unless you take the things that you don't like about this world.
And you flip them upside-down. And you can start that today. But it has to be something really big.
Something they can't do by themselves. Don't tell me how sorry you are for me!
Impact three people, who each impact three others. And three others within twenty degrees of separation.
You can change the world, the entire world. Premise number three. Inernal factors versus external factors.
There is a lot of reasearch showing, how difficult it is to change happiness based on external factors.
Research on subjective well-being, the term that psychologists used to capture happiness essenitally.
Has been going on for a very long time. Until recently, most of the reserch was conducted, was done using questionnaires,
And many people rightfully so questioned, the veracity, the value of these questionnairess. Because it is subjective.
I mean are we measuring something real? over the last few years what started to happen is that more and more psychologists have been using brain scans,
for example, they've been using FMIRS, EEGs, other physiological measures. And that is interested, is that
there is very high correlation between these "objective measures" such as brain scans, such as physiological measures.
And people's evaluation of their well-being. In other woeds, their subjective levels of happiness.
Very high correlation between the two which in many ways gives credence to the many years of research.
That has been conducted before we had the technology to do it in a more sophisticated way.
So the research that I'm going to share with you. Some of it is taken using the brain scans.
Other is self-evaluation. But again both are meaningful as well as valuable. And we will get more into the way
that the research is conducted. When we talk about phenomena such as meditation.
Or people like our very own joshua Green, who does research on morality and shows that we have morality centers in our brain.
So it's becoming much more sophisticated and much more interesting.
And the interesting thing about it is that it verifies a lot of the research that has been done.
It verifies a lot of the research that has been done to date with far less sophisticated means, such as self-report.
Research done by Daniel Guilbert-- who teaches Psych, on effective forecasting. Here is one of the studys.
So what he did was go to professors, who were just before, either getting the tenure decision.
So either they were gonna get the tenure, or not. He asked them "So how happy are going to be if you get the tenure?"
And they said "well ecstatic, this is something that I've been working on for many years. This will be a dream come true"
And how happy are you gonna stay for? And they said "well, for the rest of our lives, because this is something that we've been working for a long time."
it will make everything so much easier. I can get off this, you know, publish or perish racee.
I can enjoy my work much more. This is going to transform my life.
And then he asked them "And what happens if you don't get tenure, if you are rejected"
This is something we've been working on for many many years.
And how long are you gonna be devastated for? well, probably until we get tenure somewhere else.
But even then, that may not be enough. Because you know once you don't get tenure in one place.
You don't go up in terms of the ranking of the school. You very often woould get tenure but elsewhere.
School that is not considered as the one where you were rejected. So it's going to be devastating and for a very long time.
And then Guibert went to them at the moment when they got the tenure decision. Some of thenm got them. Others did not.
How are you feeling? Ecstatic, you know, the happiest that we've ever been.
And how long will it stay for? well for the rest of our lives.
You know we made it. And then he went to those who didn't get tenure. and asked them "How are you feeling?"
They were devastated and they were sure that they are gonan remain devastated for a very long time.
Then he went back to see them three months later, six months later. And what Guilbert and his colleagues found.
was that, almost to the person. Those who got tenured or did not get tenured, went back to their previous level of well-being.
If they were happy before, they were happy six months hence. If they were unhappy before, regardless of whether they get tenure or not.
they were not happy before. In other words, it looked like this and rhen back to base level.
or it looked like this and then back to base level. They did the same with lottery winners.
What if you really win ten million dollars? Will it actually make you happier?
Yes, for a while, but not for long. Phili Brickman, Northwestern University did this research.
After -- within as little as six months. People go back to their base level of well-being.
People in serious accidents, with their paralysis as the result of the accident.
Very often again, this is all the average go back to their base level of happiness.
If they were happy before, they will be happy one year after.
Extreme circumstances make any little difference to our well-being.
University of Illinois professor Ed Diener does a lot of research on happiness levels.
He has been doing it since in 1970s. What he shows, he and others including Daniel kahneman, Nobel Price winner
show is that wealth matters very little to our levels of well-being.
Just like the lottery would make little difference to our well-being.
Now this does mean that a person who doesn't have enough food, someone who is homeless on the streets here.
Gets an extra thousand or two thousand dollars a month. that of course will make him or her much happiier.
But beyond the basic needs, once our basic needs are met that means food, shelter, basic education.
Once those needs are met. Income make very little difference. No change across generations.
You know our generation is much wealthier than our parents', and mch much wealthier than our grandparents' generation.
We're not happier. And this is global, whether it's in UK or in Australia.
Levels of happiness are essentially static, and anxiety levels and depression levels. as we talked about in the
first class, have gone up significantly. So income levels make very little difference.
In general external circumstances make very little difference. I mean--think about your own experience.
How do you feel, go back , just transport yourself to the experience of getting into Harvard.
You konw getting this big package in the mail, which said "You were accepted" On April 1 or the end of the December
When you got this package, how did you feel? Probably ecstatic. Probably one of your highlights.
And that moment, if you were like me, you thought "This is it". Now I'm really going to be happy for a very long time.
Because I really struggled in high school, a lot of it was difficult. Alot of it was painful, but it was all worth it.
I made it.And you went along with that feeling the next day. Because in school they started talk how you got in.
And you feel fantastic about it , right? And you felt great for the probably the rest of the senior year. I mean still ups and downs.
But overall, high levels of happiness. And it was going to last for the rest of your life.
And when you came here, freshmen week, you knew it was going to last for the rest of your life.
And you said everything about harvard is not true. It's acctually a party school.
You were certain of that, right? And not only was it a party school,you were going to have an amazing time for the four yeears and beyond.
Becasue your life was transformed by this letter of acceptance.
Things started to change probably on the first day of class, but not entirely.
Because there's shopping period and it's such a wonderful thing, you shop for classes.
It's even better than going to the mall, so many, 3000 to choose from.
And this second week at Harvard is fantastic.And it was continue just that way, constant high for the rest of your life.
And then suddenly things begin to change. Slightly. Ever so slightly.
And they completely change once your first paper is due. or the mid-terms arrive.
And you go back to your base level of wellbeing. If you experience a lot of stress in high school and elementary school and were unhappy.
Generally the best predictor would say that you would feel the same way a month into your harvard experience.
External circumstances matter very little. In fact also place of residents makes very little difference.
Well if I move.. especially in the daylight, if I move california. I'll be happier, right?
Californians are no happoer than people in Massachusetts. Initially when we go to a warm place.
We feel the relief and there's the sipky levels of welllbeing. But very quickly we go back to our base level.
Exactly where we were before. I'll take this even a step further. Even though there's no research about this.
I bet you this is correct. There is no difference in our levels of well-being. if our place of residents is by the river, or in the quat.
This is really taking the theory far, but it's true. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay in the yard.
Anyone from korea here, alright. Well done, I appreciate it. How spoiled we get there. Makes very little difference.
Where we are, where we live. income levels, lottery, tenure, getting into our dream college. getting our dream job for you seniors.
You may just gotten it. I'm sure you had a spike in your level of well-being, when you got this acceptance letter.
But very quickly we go back to our base level. One thing that does matter to our base level of wellbeing.
Which is external circumstances is democracy versus oppression. People living in ddemocracies are generally significantly.
happier than people living in dictatorships. Women for example, living in places where they are oppressed.
Are in general less happpy than women living in free countries. People living in Darfur are certainly less happy than people living in Denmark or the United States.
But again, these are the extreme circumstances, that do make a difference. Such as said, a homeless person.
Of course, income will make a difference to that person. Moving to a free country.
Of course, make a difference to their wellbeing. But beyond the extremes.
Additions or subtractions to our extenal circumstances make very little difference.
Now this is good news and bad news. The bad news is it seems like whatever we do. It doesn't matter.
So why am I working hard in order to get that BCG job? Why am I working hard in order to get into this place.
If it doesn't matter, if I experience this ups and downs. And the answer is that yes it won't make a difference to our well-being.
But it also doesn't mean that we can't increase our levels of well-being.
Many people said the problem with general levels of happiness or unhappiness rather.
The cause is people have too high expectations. And if we lower our expectations, we will lower our stress and we'll enjoy life more.
okay if I don't care if i don't get a B in the course. I 'll be much happier if I don't care. If I lower my levels of expectation.
I don't care where I get into, what job I have. I just want to be happy.Slightly happy if you lower your levels of expectation.
But not in the long term. And we will talk about it next week. Not in the long term. The problem is not low versus high expectations.
That doesn't matter. The problem is right versus wrong expectations. Not low versus high expectations.
That won't make a difference to our levels of well-being. What will make a difference to our levels of well-being is if we have right versus wrong expectations.
It is the wrong expectations to expect that getting into the certain place, getting a raise.
Finding our dream partner, is what's responsible for our happiness. Moving to california or to Font Heimer.
That in and of itself will not make us happier. That is wrong expectation, The right expectation is to believe in change from within.
So these things will not make us happy. In fact, our readiness and potential to experience happiness is mostly depended on our state of mind.
Not on our status, or the state of our bank account. It's about changing our perception state of mind.
It's about changing our interpretation of the world. Of what's happening to us, of our achievements, of our failtures.
It's about what we choose to perceive, what we choose to focus on. It's about the transformation.
As opposed to the external information or the external success. 1504 this whole course, is about this transformation.
As I mentioned during the first lesson, I want move on to the fourth premise. one of the most important premises in this course.
And in many ways, we can understand human intellectual history, just based on this idea.Should we accept human nature?
Or we can perfect it, and can it change? This work relies on, or thesee ideas rely on the work of Thomas Sowell.
Thomas Sowell, harvard classs of 58. Now at Stanford, the Hoover Insititute. One of my intellectual heros.
And what he does and what his work does is basically explain why people choose to back one political party versus the other.
Why they choose to live one kind of life versus the other.
This single book helped me understand myself better as well as other people better.
Whether it's politically, whether it's psycholgically. whether it's philosophically.
Those of you interested in politics and there is one book you want to read. After you read marva collins, of course, it's this.
What does Thomas Sowell say? Essentially what he does is divide people into two camps.
Those who hold constrained vision. The limited vision, and those who hold the unconstrained, the unlimited vision of human nature.
People who hold constrained vision of human nature believe that the human natrue cannot be changed.
It's immutable. We have certain instincts. We have certain inclinations. They are fixed. This is it.
What you see is what you get. What you are born with or we born with.   As species, is all we have.
The flaw that are out there are inevitable, they cannot be changed. We need to accept them for what they are.
That's the only thing we can do with these flaws.
And people who have the constrained vision think that our instincts, our inclinations.
Our basic nature is immutable, accepted. An then what they do, rather than resign they channel it.
How do they channel it. By building certain political institutions that would channel the flawed, imperfect human nature toward good.
Philosophers and psychologists who fall under the constrained vision creat them.
Philosophies and ppsychologies and institutions and systems to channel our flawed and imperfect nature.
People who fall under the constrained vision in the history of ideas, are people such as Alexander Hamillton Adam Smith.
Those of you are taking or will take EC10. Ayn Rand, Friendrich Hayek.
These are people who say "Our nature is constrainede, it's limited" Edmund Burke, another one.
Which capture this idea best, the words of Francis Bacon, consider the father of the scientific movement was a philosopher in 1600s?
Nature to be commanded must be obeyed. Whether it's physical nature, or human nature.
We need to obey it. It is what it is. Now we have the unconstrained vision. Perhaps you are a little bit more optimistic, a little bit more utopian.
Human nature can be improved. It can be changed. It is up to us to do so. It is perfectable.
We don't need to accept these flaws as inevitable. We can perfect it. There are solutions to thest flaws, to these imperfections And our role, the goal of institutions.
Whether it's political institutions, educational institutions, of systems organizations. individual philosophers, psychologists.
The role is to change our nature, to perfect it, to better it. Philosophers who help this position, People like Thomas Jefferson, Jean jacques Roussseau, George Bernard Shaw, Ronald Dworkin,
and other leading thinkers.And what Thomas Sowell did was map the entire intellectual history of world showing how people who held this view versus that view.
That's two radically different political prescriptions. The person who best captures the unconstrained view, Bebjamin Constant, French philosopher and politician.
It is for self-perfectioning that destiny calls us. Generally people on constrained view, are people plitically, not always, but usually people who would support capitalism.
People like A who talked about "Invisible hand" Let's channel imperfect, perhaps flawed human nature toward the good. People who are more on the unconstrained vision,
would tend to toward Utopanism or sometimes Communism. Not always, but sometimes.Why Because let's change human nature, self-interest is not good,It hurts in the long term.
And therefore we need to change it rather than the constrained vision. People who said We may not like it hut it is what it is. We can't change it.
Let's make the best of it and channel it toward the good. Two radical views, two radical prescriptions based on people's notion perspective. So why am I tell you this?
This is not political science class. Because it has every relevance to psychology as well. It has every relevance to psychology. Do we perceive reality,
human nature as constrained or unconstrained will ultimately affect our psychology, And this is very meaningful and important. Let me explain it. Now first of all,
Some people who have theconstrained view when it comes to politics. some have the unconstrained view when it comes to psychology.
So it is not always consistent, though it very often is.So the vision of psychology this course promotes is the constrained view. In other words, my belief,
and I am gona back that up with research today. And for the next semester is human nature is fixed. we have inclinations. We have certain instincts that are there
and have been formed either God given or Evolutionary given, for millions of years that have been formed. They are not going to change any time soon. Not in our life time.
It's fixed, we're stuck with them through good and ill. And all we can do after we accept this nature is to first understand it through research, and then, after we understand it, make the best use of it.
Understand   it through research as well as through the search though introspection, and then make best use of it. How can I channel my nature.
And what I want to do now is illustrate a case study of what I mean by nature constrained. and why it is so important for happiness, for hapiness, for well-being, for long term success.
to have the constrained view of human nature. When it comes to our psychilogy, that is. The topic I want to talk about is the permission to be human.
I'm going to talked about this topic for three reasions. A becasue it illutrates what Thomas Sowell means plitically in the psychological realm.
Second because I think it is one of the most important pillars of well-being and happiness. The third reason why I want to talk about it is because it gets to misunderstanding that many people have
regarding what positive psycholog is and is not. When I first start to teaching thsi course and had six students. I remember one day sitting in Leverett house,
having lunch by myself and one of the students comes in and says "Can I join you " "Sure" Then he says to me, "Tal, I hear you teaching a class on happiness" And I said to him "Yes,that's right"
And he said "You know my roommates are taking your class" And I said "That's wonderful." There were two of the six. And he said "But Tal, you got to watch out now"
And I said to him "Why " And he said "Tal you have to be careful, " And I said "Why". And he said "Becasue if I see you unhappy, I'll tell them" The next day in class, I used that and I said to the students.
The last thing in the world that I want you to think is that I experience a constant high or that you by the end of the semster or the year. It was a year course. By the end og year you will experience a constant high
There two kinds of people, who experience the constant high, who don't experience painful emotions, such as anger, or envy, or disppointment, or disappointment, or unhappiness, or depression, or anxiety at times.
Two kinds of people who don't experience these painful emotions. The one kind are the psychopaths. By definition, they don't experience these painful emotions. The second kind of people who don't experience these
painful emotions are dead people. Exaactly, so you know, if you experience these emotions, it's a good sign. You are not a pasychopath, and youo're alive.
However in our culture today, we don't give ourself the permission to be human, the freedom to experience these painful emotions as well.
And we pay a very high price for the inability for this refusal to accept the fact that is part of human nature that is constrained. That is no matter what, As kids, as babies,going back to the baby's scene
We give ourselves the permission to be human. We know that's nature. We don't even think about it in fact. To experience the high and then the low and high and then low.
And later on , when we stop giving ourselves the permission to be human when the facadee becomes so important. We begin to realize that other people are watching us and evaluating us constantly.
And we think they do so much more than they actually do. That's when we stop give our permission to be human, And we pay a price, in terms of our energy levels, of our well-being, of your happiness, of our creativity.
And ultimately also our success. Let me give you an example of someone, who does give himself the permission to be human. Now I'm not sayingg we should look like this, but what I am saying is that we all need a space.
Whether it is with close friends, people we care about. whether it's first and foremost with ourselves, when we write a journal, where we do give ourselves the permission to be, to cry, to be joyous.
Because if we don't we pay a price. We need a space of unconditional acceptance. The best advice that I got, or what we got, My wife and Ii when David our first son was born.
was from our prediatrcian, Dr.Tal Shapiro. And David was born in the 1 am and then around 8 am in the morning. He came in to see, to check up on my wife. and then check up on the baby.
For some reason, he didn't check up on me. And everything was fine. And as he leaving the room, he turn around and said "just one more thing " Over the next months, you are going to experience every single kind
of emotions, to the extreme, And that's time, It's nature. We all go through it." And then he walked out,.It's the best advice that my wife and I got regarding child bearing. Why? Let me give an example.
So after about a month. I started to, once in a while, experience some envy toward David, Because here he was, you know, for the first time in, well since my wife and I were together, there were someone else was getting much
more attenion. Now matter how much I cried, And I felt envy toward him and five minuters later, I experienced this most intense love toward him. You know emotions that I've never felt before.
Now normally I would think "what a hypocrite " It's just something is wrong. You know, one minute you are envious, the next moment you experience love. It's part of being human.
And because I had Dr.Shapiro's voice at the back of my head. "Permission to be human That helped me a great deal." Experience the envy when I experienced it accept it. And then enjoy and celebrate the positive emotios
that I experienced toward David. Permission to be human. You see there is actually a paradox that playing. this is work done my our very own Daniel Wagner.
When we suppress a natural phenomenon, that phenomenon only strengthens. And let me illustrate an through an experiment. So for the next ten seconds, do not think of a pink elephant.
You know the one i am talking about, with the big ears, dumbo.Do not think of a pink elephant for the next three seconds.And I am sure no one thought of a pink elephant right?
What happened? Most people think of a pink elephant. Becasue when we suppress a natural phenomenon,   such as a having a visual of the word when we say it.That thing just intensifies.
The same applies to painful emotions. And when we try to suppress them, they strengthen them, after hearing about Marva Collins, and decide that teaching was my calling, I know I had to deal with the problems.
And the problems is that I am an introvert. I get very nervous in front of audiences, and large audiences for me is anything above five. But I had to deal with it. and I knew that I would have to deal with it,
So I would go on in front of an audience, and before that I would say to myself, Tal,don't be nervous. Don't be anxious. No anxiety today. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous..
And what happened? Pink elephant all around. Instead after especially reading about paradoxical intentions by viktor Frankl, I started to give myself the permission to be human.
And now when I going to a lecture, the nervousness.. because I give myself the permission to be human. goes away within as little as three hours into the lecture.
But no, it's managable now, I still get nervous before every sigle lecture. Which is actually a good thing, but it's managable. I can deal with it, I can handle it. Permission to be human.
You see, rejecting our nature leads to suboptimal performance. Emotionally, as well as in terms of external performance. Imaging waking up every monring. and say to yourself,"I refuse to accept to the law of gravity"
You know this law of gravity is such a pain? You know I need to walk down stairs and up the stairs. I just want to float to Sanders in the morning. So much easier, so much less painful.
Imagine leading a life like this. Will you truly refuse to accept the law of gravity? what king of life would you lead? Well, first of all you may not survive for long.
If you truly don't accept the fact that things, people being no exception fall when left in mid air. But even if you do survive,, let's say you live on the ground floor..even you do survive..
You would lead a life of constant frustration, refusing to accept something that is there whether you like it or not. So instead, we accept the law of gravity. More than that we create games around the law of gravity.
I mean, all those of you who are doing sports here, and it's most of you in this room, or doing athletics, who go for a run, you rely on the law of gravity. Can you imagine, Harvard versus Yale football without the law
of gravity? Can you imagine a basketball without the law of gravity?   I am not talking about Michael jordan, but for the mere morsels. We accept it and we create games around it. and yet we don't do the same when it comes to our emotion.
Now here is the key moment. Painful emotions are as much part of human nature, as the law of gravity is part of physical nature. And the nature to be commanded must be obeyed.
An aeronautics engineer who wants to build an airplane, has to obey, take into consideration, learn and study and understand the law of gravity. The same applies to a psychologist, the contrained view of human nature.
Nature to be commanded must be obeyed. And yet we don't do that. We don't do it in our culture. And we pay high price for it. We have what I called the "great decaption" when people ask "How are you doing"
And we say "fine, just great". When in fact we are not doing well. More appropriate would be "I am going through a rough path now" I am going through a hard time. I am really stressed. But yet we don't want to admit that.
We don't give ourselves the permission to be human, if we experience these emotions. And then every one saod Oh fine Oh great Oh terrific! Then when we are asked "So how are you doing?"
I am not going to be the only party pooper here. Iam not going to be the only depressed one around here. SoI say oh fine Oh great Oh，terrific。 And the we contribute to this great deception.
And it is the great deception that leads to the depression.   The great depression in the ultimate currency of happiness. This to a great extent explains why so many people today experience depression.
The 45% figure nationwide on college campuses, not engough permission to be human. Now I am not talking about wearing out heart on our sleeves, when someone comes to us, in the elevator in Willian James.
And says "How are you doing " Thank you for asking, it all started when I was three. This is not what I am talking about, in William James this is maybe the case, because the elevators, it does take about two hours toget there
, for the door to close. But other than that, what I am talking though is a space, a safe space in our lives, with our closest friends, with our family, first and foremost with ourselves, where we have the permission to be human.
And what I am not talking about is resignation, Far from it, it is not about the thing, Well I am depressed, there is nothing I can do about it. I accept my nature, I accept my state, and that's it.
I am not talking about resignation. What I am talking about is active acceptance. What does that mean? It means understanding that certain things I cannot change and certain things I can ought to change.
One of the main ideas we will talk about is the distinction. We will talk about specifically on the lectures on "change" between Affect, Behaviors and Cognitions. The ABC of psychilogy.
Affect--emotion, Behavior--action, cognition--thoughts. Unconditional acceptance, permission to be human. Relates primarily to our affect, to our emotions. They are there, just like the law of gravity is there.
That does not mean we need to accept our behavior and our cognition. For example, I can.. and having the past experience envy toward my best friend, that in and of itself does not make me a bad person.
It's human, I have never met a person, who has never experience or does not experience.. who does not experience envy toward other people. And if it is true about the Dalai Lama. That is because he's worked on it for decades.
Envy is a part of human nature. Nothing good or bad about the envy, nothing good or bad about experiencing anger, Nothing good or bad about experiencing depression or anxiety, it's part of human nature.
However, the question is how do I choose to behave, to act as a result of it. That's where the moral domain enters. That's where I can have moral or immoral behavior.
toward my best friend or baby, or other people in general. I can still experience envy toward my best friend. And choose to behave generously and benevolently toward him.
The same with the cognition and we will talk about a lot about it. When we talk about CBT -- Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I can feel this certain way. But it doesn't mean that I need to resign to my thoughs about that feel.
Rumination is one of the things that I will talk about a lot. Actually not that helpful to ruminate about painful emotions. It's much more helpful to write about them, to talk to other people about them.
rather than think constantly how miserable I am because my girl friend just left me, I havn't found anyone in Pinocchio's. So rumination doesn't help. So I don't neccessarily need to accpet all my irrational thoughts,
and again we will talk about it much more next week of how we can cognitively reframe what we are thinking. But the emotion the affect is the emotion. It is what it is. And the key is to be true to reality.
Just also one of the main themes in the course. You know in many ways, this course should not be called Positive Psychology. Well I'm telling you this after you already signed uo for the class. So it's too late to leave.
This is actually not a course in "Positive Psychology". It's a course in "Reality Psychology". Because Positive Psychology may mean that we are only focus on the positive on what it works, ignoring all the rest that are not.
All we are doing in this class is shifting the pendulum. So that there si more even playing field. Instead of the 21.1 ratio, we are doing much more, foucusing on the posive, and at the same time. accepting that the painfu emotions.
are as much part of human nature as the wonderful emotions. And the sooner we accept it, the better. Well that will mean at the end of the course of 1504. Or a hundred other courses in the workships. Or sold the books you have read.
It's not you will not have painful emotions anymore. It's simply that your psychological immune system will become stronger. Hopefully already by the end of the semester, psychological immune system will become stronger.
That means not that we don't get ill. It means that we get ill less often. And when we do get sick, we recover more promptly. The difference between extremely hapoy people and extremely unhappy people is not that one gets sad
or upset or anxious or depressed, and the other does not. Both groupsd do. It's how quickly, how promptly we can recover from these painful emotions. In other words, how strong our psychological immune system is.
And our psychological immune system strengthens when we give ourselves the permission to be human. Many of you probably read this, come across this, but I think it captures so well. The foundation of what it means to be actively accepting.
This has become also the offical mantra in many ways of the AA movement. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The wisdom to know the difference fortunately a lot of this wisdom can come from studies, from reasearch, from deep introspection that you will do throughout this semester. What I want to do now is an exercise.
I want to do a group meditation. Try to understand not just on the cognitive level of the research. But also to experience on the visceral emotional level. What it really means to give ourselves the permission to be human.
Those of you who don't feel comfortable doing it, you don't have to do it. Those who feel comfortable to do it, do it. If it's a stretch for you, I still recommend you to do. If you had never meditated it before.
this is a wonderful opportunity to do it for the first time. One thing I do ask you if you are not doing it , if you don't participate, you know, simply, just kepp quiet. But other than that, I really do recommend that you join us.
what I want to do together now is enter the realm of unconditional acceptance. Senior seat just sit up straight as much as possible. If possible your back relaxing against the backrest. Plant your feet comfortably on the floor.
If you feel comfortable, close your eyes. Shift the focus of your breath. Shift the focus of your thought to your breathing. Take a deep breath and all the way down to your belly, and then breath out. again deep breath in.
Slow,gentle,quiet breath out. Repeat that in silence. If your mind wanders, simply bring it back to your breathing... Deep slow inhalation, deep slow gentle quiet exhalation. Most of us don't breath deeply enough.
We don't take the time to celebrate our breath, our spirit, our being, the connection the link the bridge... between our mind and our body, between our emotions and our thoughts, between the brain and the heart. Continue with the deep breathing.
As you continue with the deep breath, shift your focus to your emotions, to your feelings. How are you feeling? Pay attention to your emotions. Whatever they are, whatever it is that you are feeling, allow it to flow through you naturally.
Just experience your emotion what ever it is. You may feel one emotion, different emotion the next, that's okay. Whatever it is, accept it, experience it, give yourself the permission to be human. It's all okay--just breathe.
Continue to observe and experience whatever emotion comes up. Whether it's calm or happiness. whether it's anxiety, confusion, boredom or joy..Whatever it is, continue to breathe deeply into your belly, and then gently, slowly, quietly exhale.
Let the emotion flow--just like the breath. As you continue to breathing deeply, in your mind's eye, see yourself walking out of this classroom today, walking in the yard with the feeling, that all your feeling are real, fine, part of human nature.
They just are --neither good nor bad. As you walk amid the buildings and trees, as you see your friends and classmates, allow these emotions to flow through you freely,lightly. By experiencing all these emotions, whether the ups and downs.
What you are doing is being, being a human being. Continue to allow the breath and emotions to just flow. To just be, what if you truly gave yourself the permission to be human?
What if you are giving yourself the permission to be human? Just imagine. Life becomes so much lighter, so much simpler, when rather than trying to fight or defeat our nature, we accept it. we accept who we are.
We accept whatever emotion comes up. Deep, slow inhalation, slow gentle, quiet, calm exhalation. Take a few deep breath in silence. Embrace the silence, the stillness, Embrace yourself, your emotions.
And on the next exhalation, deep,slow,quiet exhalation, open your eyes. If the person next to you is asleep, gently wake him or her up. Just imagine, just imagine the kind of life that you can experience.
The kind of life that you can lead, if you trully, genuinely, really give yourself the permission to be human. This is one of the pillars of a healthy life, psychologically, physiologically. So try it, everyday remind yourselves just once or twice,
to give yourself the permission to be human and give others that same permission. You deserive it, I will see you on Thursday.

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