权限梳理

This month I've definitely realized that intellectualizing something is different from actually living it. I've been a single dad for the last 24 days. My wife has been in South Africa attending a family wedding and visiting friends while I've been alone with our two boys, ages three and five. It's been an experience, to the say the least. I decided to take half-time vacation and worked 10am - 2pm while the boys were in school.

这个月，我绝对意识到，智能化某些东西与实际生活是不同的。 在过去的24天里，我一直是单身父亲。 我的妻子一直在南非参加家庭婚礼并拜访朋友，而我和我们两个分别为3岁和5岁的男孩独自一人时。 至少可以说，这是一种经验。 我决定休半假，并在男孩上学时的上午10点至下午2点工作。

Other than my obligatory 4 hours of deleting email work it was all home-making and kids for me. Who knew that single parenting is so hard? There were the first few days of "this is new," followed by "when is Mommy coming back," and the inevitable "so this is what life is like without Mommy." Definitely an emotional roller coaster for everyone.

除了我强制性的4个小时删除电子邮件工作外，这一切对我来说都是家庭制作和孩子们。 谁知道单身教养是如此困难？ 前几天是“这是新事物”，其次是“妈妈何时回来”，以及不可避免的“所以这就是没有妈妈的生活”。 绝对是每个人的情感过山车。

Then there seemed to be a series of phases I went through, not unlike the phases of grief. Shock - This phase includes disbelief and numbness. What am I gonna do? Gotta make sure the boys get to school each day. I have to sleep well, don't want to burn out too early.

然后似乎经历了一系列阶段，与悲伤阶段不同。 震惊-此阶段包括难以置信和麻木。 我该怎么办？ 要确保男孩每天上学。 我必须睡个好觉，不想过早地筋疲力尽。

• Denial - After a few 3am surprise wake-up calls and obligatory potty emergencies, one tends to find themselves overwhelmed.

  拒绝-凌晨3点过一些突如其来的叫醒电话和强制性便盆紧急情况后，人们往往发现自己不知所措。

• Bargaining - Just sleep through this one night and...

  讨价还价-睡一整晚然后...

• Guilt - Oh, I'm a horrible parent, the boys were late for school today.

  罪恶感-哦，我是一个可怕的父母，这些男孩今天上学迟到了。

• Anger - This is so frustrating. Just do what I say and everything will go fine.

  愤怒-这真令人沮丧。 照我说的做，一切都会好起来的。

• Depression - This totally sucks, how does anyone do this without help?

  抑郁-这完全糟透了，有人在没有帮助的情况下怎么办？

• Acceptance - OK, I've got this. Maybe not the laundry, but lunches and playtime, I've got that down solid.

  接受-好的，我已经知道了。 也许不是洗衣服，而是午餐和娱乐时间，我对此很满意。

一千个小伤口导致的死亡 (Death by a Thousand Tiny Cuts)

Sometimes in a marriage (with kids) one tends to assume that their job to see the hardest. The thing is though, each role fulfilled by each spouse is different. The thing I learned about single parenting is that it's truly incessant. By that I mean specifically "it never ceases." Taken individually the tasks involved aren't difficult: make lunch, do laundry, buy food, but the problem is - it never stops. Just because I made meals and cleaned up all day yesterday doesn’t mean I don’t get to do it again today. And tomorrow. And the day after that...There's no credit to be brought forward for doing well yesterday: the clock resets, and it starts all over.

有时，在与孩子的婚姻中，人们倾向于认为自己的工作最困难。 事实是，每个配偶履行的每个角色都是不同的。 我从单身育儿中学到的东西确实是不间断的。 我的意思是“永远不会停止”。 单独完成所涉及的任务并不困难：午餐，洗衣服，买食物，但问题是-它永远不会停止。 仅仅因为我昨天吃了一顿饭并整天打扫，并不意味着我今天就不再做。 和明天。 而在第二天……昨天的出色表现无可厚非：时钟重新设置，并且重新开始。

It seems that single parenting is the ultimate project management job. Every day included not the dozens of daily details that keep a house running but another dozen irregular details that were challenging to keep track of. I keep a lot of lists and notes and to-dos in my day job, but I had 4x the lists and notes and to-dos in this new single-parent job.

似乎单亲育儿是最终的项目管理工作。 每天不包括使房屋运转的数十个日常细节，而是不容易追踪的另外十二个不规则细节。 在日常工作中，我会保留很多清单，笔记和待办事项，但是在这项新的单亲工作中，我的清单，笔记和待办事项是其四倍。

发挥我的长处 (Playing to my strengths)

我了解到自己的最重要的事情之一就是发挥自己的优势。 虽然我可能不太擅长记住谁的头发梳理或擦鼻子，但我却很擅长教学。 我和5岁的孩子一起工作，他在说出声音方面有点停滞不前。 原来他只是对材料感到无聊。 似乎“ See Spot Run”不如“ Batman”有趣。 我找到了一些适合年龄的漫画(没有枪，没有简单的故事)，而不是试图让他阅读漫画的对话，而我们完全专注于onomatopoeia action words. After doing this for a week I discovered that拟声词。 经过一周的学习，我发现在学校里using comic books to teach onomatopoeia is a real thing that's done in schools. Cool! 用漫画书来教拟声词是一件实事。 凉！

好和坏 (The Good and the Bad)

我的一个好朋友几个月前离婚了。 他购买了一大笔钱，并对我说：

"You know what the best part was? Not having to ask permission before making the purchase. And the worst part? The same."

“你知道最好的部分是什么？购买之前不必征求许可。最糟糕的部分是相同的。”

That's a powerful and profound statement right there. It really stuck with me and totally applied in my month alone. On the one hand, it was really enabling and empowering to be able to change the system. We ate what we wanted (it was still good food, just what I wanted) and did what we wanted (zoo, museums, etc.) It wasn't that we didn't do these things when my wife is here but the point is, there's just one less adult voting. It felt like things went more smoothly, probably because any debates happened in my own head. It was nice to just decide things.

那是一个有力而深刻的说法。 它真的卡住了我，仅在我一个月中就完全应用了。 一方面，它确实使改变系统的能力得以增强。 我们吃了我们想要的东西(仍然是美味的食物，正是我想要的东西)，做了我们想要的事情(动物园，博物馆等)。不是我妻子在这里时我们没有做这些事情，但是是的，成人投票少一票。 感觉事情进展得更顺利，可能是因为任何辩论都发生在我自己的脑海中。 决定事情真好。

On the down side, there's no one around to brainstorm with. And there's no break at 3am. Or 4am. Or 5:30am. I don't know how single parents get a break, especially if they don't have family to lean on.

不利的一面是，没有人可以集思广益。 而且凌晨3点没有休息。 或凌晨4点。 或上午5:30。 我不知道单亲父母如何度过假期，尤其是如果他们没有家人可依靠时。

如果可行，请保留它。 如果没有，请更改 (If it works, keep it. If it doesn't, change it)

Now that the wife is back, we're going to look at some of the systems that I came up with and combine them with the existing ones that she had going. The goal is for neither of us to burn out doing our jobs. I think each person in a partnership tends to get hyper-focused on the task in front of them and forget the stresses on the other partner. Both of us have jobs that "never stop." We can't turn off and focus on something else just because it’s after 5pm. I really enjoyed my time with the boys as a single parent, and hope I never have to do it again any time soon!

现在妻子回来了，我们将研究一下我想出的一些系统，并将它们与她已经使用的现有系统结合起来。 我们的目标是让我们每个人都不会因为工作而精疲力尽。 我认为合伙企业中的每个人都趋向于专注于摆在他们面前的任务，而忘记了对方的压力。 我们俩都有“永不停止”的工作。 我们不能只因为下午5点之后就关掉而专注于其他事情。 我真的很喜欢和男孩们一起度过的单身时光，并希望以后再也不必再做一次了！

顾客(孩子)不在乎 (The Customers (Kids) Don't Care )

Another fascinating part to this was the complete ambivalence and amazing resilience of the children. While they were sad after Mommy was gone, a few days later "the new normal" become clear and they were back to business. I was a wreck, of course, but the kids didn't miss a beat. Their inherent wonderful "childish selfishness" remains intact, as it should. "What? Mom's gone? Ok, so are you the one making sandwiches now? Service! There's only one waiter in this lousy restaurant?"

另一个令人着迷的部分是孩子们的完全矛盾和惊人的韧性。 当妈妈离开后，他们感到难过时，几天后，“新常态”变得清晰起来，他们重新开始营业。 我当然是个沉船，但是孩子们并没有错过任何一个节拍。 他们内在的美妙的“幼稚的自私”仍然保持原样。 “什么？妈妈走了？好吧，那你现在做三明治吗？服务！这家糟糕的餐厅里只有一个服务员吗？”

重新整合 (Reintegration)

I appreciated that my wife didn't just fly in, raise the landing gear and immediately take over the whole ecosystem. The boys and I had a good thing going and found a kind of equilibrium. A snotty nosed, wrinkled clothed, uncombed equilibrium, but equilibrium nonetheless. (Dad's skills lie elsewhere. Their pants were on straight 85% of the time, so I take full credit for that success!) My wife recognized that she was returning to a new house with new rules and we have spent the last few days talking about what worked, what didn't and what things we discovered while she was gone that we might want to keep.

我很高兴我的妻子不只是飞起来，抬起起落架并立即接管了整个生态系统。 男孩和我都过得很好，找到了一种平衡。 鼻梁鼻，皱巴巴的，未梳理的平衡感，但仍然平衡。 (爸爸的技能在别处。他们的裤子直率达到了85％，所以我对这次成功大加赞赏！)我的妻子意识到她正按照新的规定回到一所新房子里，而我们在过去的几天中一直在聊天关于什么起作用了，什么没起作用，以及我们在她离开后发现的一些我们可能想要保留的东西。

走一英里 (Walk a Mile)

It's certainly hard to be judgmental of any single parent when you've been one. We've all seen a single mom or dad walking around and wondered "where's the other partner?" Well, who knows, maybe in Africa, but you can bet that the one left is working hard.

当您成为单亲父母时，肯定很难判断。 我们都看到一个单亲妈妈或父亲走来走去，想知道“另一个伴侣在哪里？” 好吧，谁知道，也许在非洲，但是您可以打赌，剩下的那个人正在努力。

I was explaining how college degrees work to the kids as we drove my a university this morning.

今天早上我开车去大学时，我在解释大学学位如何对孩子们起作用。

Me: "...Well, Mommy has a Master's Degree, she's very smart."

我：“ ...嗯，妈妈有硕士学位，她很聪明。”

3: "Where is it?"

3：“它在哪里？”

Me: "What?"

我什么？”

3: "The master."

3：“主人。”

Me: "It's on the wall in the office."

我：“是在办公室的墙上。”

3: "Why don't you have one of those smartie things that mommy has?"

3：“你为什么不拥有妈妈拥有的那些聪明人之一？”

This made me remember that my wife has taken time off from one career to make the kids her career for a few years. I definitely understand my wife's job better after this month.

这让我记得，我的妻子已经从一个职业中抽出一些时间来使孩子们成为自己的职业几年。 我绝对知道本月以后我妻子的工作会更好。

Behind every great man is a woman who is not impressed. - Me on twitter

每个伟人的背后都是一个没有被打动的女人。 -我在推特上

Now I just need to figure out how to get her to do my job for a month so she'll appreciate how hard it is to tweet and restart Outlook! ;)

现在，我只需要弄清楚如何让她完成一个月的工作，这样她就可以知道发推并重新启动Outlook有多么困难！ ;)

翻译自: https://www.hanselman.com/blog/just-please-comb-their-hair-and-wipe-their-noses-my-month-as-a-single-dad

权限梳理