阴冷的愚公和唐僧,大师强迫症

1、愚公费了一辈子劲终于把门前的王屋太行挖走了，不想却把蛇精和蝎子精放了出来。

无奈，愚公就种了一根葫芦，生出7个葫芦娃，葫芦7兄弟勇斗妖精，最后和在一起化作一个大山再次将妖精镇压……！

愚公哭了，你们TM在玩我

2、唐僧历尽千辛万苦累计九九八十一难终于来到西天。

凌霄宝殿上，如来合掌问道，唐僧，终于修成正果，如今看到台上众菩萨有可感想。

唐僧不敢抬头凝视，只好低头细细扫描了一番，只见众菩萨婀娜多姿，炫目刺眼，一时语塞，支支吾吾的答道：“台上，台上的24位女嘉宾晚上好。”

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3、一日，我问大师：“可不可以用一部电影形容我的人生？”

大师想了想说：“《无间道》吧。”

我说：“你是说我的人生是在好人与坏人间纠结交错中选择吧？”

大师微微一笑说：“我是说你的人生这部电影里没有女主角……”

4、问：“如果神赠予你9999亿9999万9999元的财产，你想要什么？”

普通人：“房产、地皮、豪车、游艇、专机、名牌、帅锅、美女、上街撒钱玩……”

强迫症患者：“还想再要一块钱。”

5、少妇请大师算彩票。大师掐指：你出国几次？4次。

几个孩子？

2个。

今年读了几本书？

5本。

每月跟老公几次？

少妇羞红：2次。

至今有过几次外遇？

少妇愠怒：我是良家！

大师：那最后一个数是0，彩票号是42520 。

两天后中奖号码开出42529。

少妇痛悔：哎！果然不能对大师撒谎啊。

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