s1 episode1(一)

monica: there is nothing to tell, just some guy i work with.

joey: come on ,you are going out with that guy.there is gotta be something wrong with him.

chandler: all right, joey. be nice. so does he has a hump? humpback behind a hairpiece?

phoebe: wait. does he eat chalk? because i don't want her to go through what i went through with carl.oh....

monica: ok, everybody relax, just relax. this is not even a date.it is just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

chandler:sounds like a date to me.

chandler: so back in high school, i'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria and i realise i am totally naked.

all: had that dream..

chandler: then i look down(look what i just found on the floor), i realise there is a phone ....there.

joey: instead of...??

chandler: that's right.

all: never had that dream.

chandler: all of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. now i don't what to do,everybody starts looking at me.

monica:they weren't looking at you before?

chandler:finally i figure i'd better answer it(i figure if i can make coffee,there isn't anything i cann't do) , and it turns out my mother, which is very,very wired. bacause she never calls me.

ross:hi.

joey:this guy says hello. i wanna kill myself.

monica: are you ok,sweetie?

ross: i just feel like someone reached down my throat,grabbed my small intestine,pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.

chandler:cookie?

monica: carol move her stuff out today.

all: oh...

monica: let me get you some coffee(try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here).

ross:thanks.

ross:no no no ,stop cleansing my aura.just leave my aura alone.ok?

pheobe:fine ,be murky.

ross; i will be fine.all right? really, everyone. i hope she will be very happy.

monica: no you don't.

ross: no i don't. to hell with her, she left me.

joey: you never knew she was a lesbian.

ross:no,ok? why does everyone keep fixating one on that? she didn't know, how should i know?

chandler: sometimes i wish i was a lesbian. did i say that out loud?

joey:all right , ross.you are feeling a lot of pain right now. you are angry.you are hurting. can i tell you what the answer is? strip joints.come on ,you are single.have some hormones.

ross: see, i don't want to be single. i just wanna be married again.(i don't want it.)(we are gathered here to join xxx,xx in the bound of holy matrimony)

chandler: and i just want a million dollars.

monica:rachel?

rachel: oh,god, monica, hi. i just went your building and you were not there.and this guy with a big hammer said you might be here.and you are, you are..

waitress: can i get you some coffee?(let me get you some coffee)

monica:de-caf.

monica: ok everybody. this is rachel, another lincoln high survivor. rachel.this is everybody. this is chandler, and pheobe and joey..and you remeber my brother ross?(do you remeber you and tony demarco)

rachel:yeah..

monica:so you wanna tell us now? or are we waiting four wet bridesmaids

rachel: well, it all started about half an hour before the wedding.and i was in this room where we were keeping all these presents.and i was looking at the gravy boat.this really gorgeous gravy boat.and all of a sudden, i realise i was more turned on by this gravy boat than by barry. and then i really got freaked out.and that's when it hit me: how much barry looks like potato head.you know, i always know he looked familiar..but...any way, i had to get out of there and i started wander: why was i doing this,who am i doing this for? anyway, i just didn't know where to go and i know you and i have kinda drafted apart.but you are the only person i know who lived here in the city.

monica:who wasn't invited to the wedding.

rachel: i was kinda hoping that wouldn't be a issue.

monica: now i am guessing he bought her the pipe organ, and she is really not happy about it.

ross: i will have whatever christina's having.

rachel:look,daddy.i'm sorry. i cann't marry him. i just don't love him.well, it matters to me.

pheobe: if i let go of my hair, my head will fall off.

chandler:oh ,she should not be wearing those pants.

joey:i say push her down the stairs.

all: push her down the stairs...

rachel: come on,daddy.listen to me.it is like all of my life,everyone has always told me, you are a shoe, you are a shoe, you are a shoe, and today i just stop and said,what if i don't want to be a shoe ,what if i wanna be a hat, or a purse. no, i'm not saying i want you to buy me a hat. i'm saying i'm a hat. it's a metaphor, daddy.

ross: you can see where he'd have trouble.

rachel:look, daddy. it's my life.maybe i'll stay here with monica.

monica: i guess we've eatablished she is staying here with monica.

rachel:well, maybe that's my decision.maybe i don't need your money.wait,wait,wait, i said maybe.

monica:just breath,breath.just think of the nice calm things.

rachel:i'm all better now.

pheobe: i helped.

monica:look, this is probabily for the best, you know.independence. taking control of your life. the whole hat thing.

joey:hey, you need anything, you can always come to joey.me and chandler live right across the hall, and he is away a lot.

monica: hey,joey.stop hitting on her.it's her wedding day.

joey:what..like there is a rule or something..

chandler:i'll get it.please don't do that again. it's a horrible sound,

paul:hey.it's..it's paul.

joey:who is paul?

ross:paul,the wine guy,paul?

monica: maybe.

joey:wait a minute.your not a real date is with paul, the wine guy?

ross:he finally ask you out?

monica:yes.

chandler:oh ,this is a dear diary moment.

monica:oh wait,rach,i can cancel.

rachel:oh don't,please go.i will be fine.

monica:ross,are you ok? i mean, do you want me to stay?

ross: that'd be good.

monica:really?

ross:no ,go on. it's paul, the wine guy.

pheobe:what does that mean? does he sell it,drink it,or just complains a lot?

monica:come in .paul this is everybody.everybody, this is paul.

chandler:i'm sorry. i didn't catch your name. paul, is it?

monica:wait a minute.i just gotta go a...go a...

ross:wandering?

monica:change.please sit. two seconds.

joey:here is a tip.she really likes it when you rub neck in the same spot over and over and over again util it starts to get a little red.

monica:shut up.joey.

ross: so rachel,what are you up to tonight?

rachel: i was supposed to be head for aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing.

ross:right, you are not even getting your honeymoon.no,no,no .althrough, aruba,this time of year ,talk about your biglizards? anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight,joey and chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.

chandler:yes, we are very excited about it.

rachel:thanks ,ross. but i think i will just hang out here tonight, it's kinda been a long day.

ross: oh, sure.

joey:hey,phoebs, you wanna help?

phoebe: oh,i wish i could ,but i don't want to.

ross: i was supposed to attach a bracket thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. i have no bracket thing, i see no worm guys here.and whatsoever, i cann't feel my legs.

joey: i think we get a bookcase here.

chandler: it is a beautiful thing.

joey:what is this?

chandler: i would have to say, it is a l-shaped bracket.

joey:which goes where?

chandler: i have no idea.

joey:done with the bookcase.

ross: this was carol's favourite beer.she always drank it out of the can, i should have known.

joey:you are gonna start that kind of stuff, we are out of here.

chandler:please don't spoil all this fun.

joey:ross, let me ask you a question.she got the furniture, the stereo,the good tv,what did you get?

ross: you guys.

joey:you get screwed.

chandler: oh my god.

monica: oh,my god.

paul:i know, i know.i guess i should have caught on when she started going to thedentist 4 and 5 times a week. i mean, how clean can teeth get?

monica:my brother is going through that right now,he is such a mess.how did you get through it?

paul:you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers.say..her...

monica:leg?

paul: yeah, that's one way.me..i went for the watch.

monica: you actually broke her watch?

paul:yeah.

monica:the worst thing i've ever did was i shreded my old boy friends's favourite bath towel.

paul:steer clear of you.

monica:that is right.

rachel: i'm sorry. barry. i'm so sorry. you probably think this is all about what l've said the other day about you making love with socks on,but,it isn't, it is not...this is all about me...hi..machine cut me off again..anyway..look,look...someone is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. barry finkel,but it isn't me, it is not me..not that i have any idea who me is right now...but you have to give me a chance to....

ross: i'm divorced. i'm only 26 and i'm divorced.

joey: shup up.

chandler: you must stop.

ross: that only took me an hour.

chandler:ross, you gotta understand,between us, we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a mentto.you ,however,have the lovable woman for four years.four years of closeness and sharing, at the end of which,she rip your heart out and that is why we don't do it. i don't think that is my point.

ross: the scariest part is what if there is only one woman for everybody, i mean, what if you get one woman and that 's it..unfortunately, in my case, there is only one woman for her..

joey: what are you talking about.one woman. that is like saying there is only one flavor of ice cream.let me tell you something ross,there's lots of flavors out there.that's best thing that ever happens to you.you got married,you were, like, eight? welcome to the world, grab a spoon.

ross:i honestly don't know if i'm hungry or horny.

chandler: stay out of my freezer.

paul: ever since she walked out on me,i....

monica:what..what...you wanna spell it out with noodles?

paul:no..no..it's more of fifth date kinda revelation.

monica: so there's gonna be a fifth date?

paul: isn't there?

monica: yeah, i think there is. so what were you gonna say?

paul: ever since she left me, i haven't been able to perform, sextually..

monica:oh god,i'm sorry.

paul:it's ok.

monica: i know being split on is probably not what you need right now,but how long?

paul: two years.

monica:wow, i'm glag you smashed her watch.

paul: so you still might wanna that fifth date?

monica:yeah,yeah i do.

we are gathered here to join xx,xx in the bound of the holy matrimony.

rachel:see, that's the difference.xx love xx.

ross:grab s spoon. do you know how long it.s been since i grabbed a spoon? do the words " billy don't be a hero" means anything to you?

joey:great story.but i've got to go.i get a date with...i'm out of here.

ross:you know, here is the thing.even if i could get it together enough..enough to ask a woman out.who am i gonna ask?

rachel: isn't this amazing? i mean i've never made coffee before in my entire life?

chandler:that is amazing.

joey:congratulations.

rachel:you know what . i figure if i can make coffee, there isn't anything i cann't do.

chandler:no. i think it is if i can invade poland,there isn't anything i cann't do.

joey:hey, while you are on a roll, if you feel like you make western omlet or something. althrough actually i'm really not that hungry.

paul:thank you.

monica:stop.

paul:no, i'm telling you, last night was like all my birthdays,both graduations, plus the barn rasing scene in Witness.

monica:we will talk later

paul:yeah.

joey:that wasn't a real date.what the hell do you do on a real date.

monica:shut up and put my table back.

chandler:all right,kids. i've got to work.if i don't input these number, it dosen't make much of a difference.

rachel: so you guys all have jobs?

monica:yes, we all have jobs.that's how we buy stuff.

joey:yeah , i'm an actor.

rachel:wow,would i have seen you in anything?

joey: oh i doubt it.mostly regional work.

monica:wait,wait, unless you happened to catch the reruns' production of pinocchio.

joey: it was a job,all right?

chandler:look, geppetto. i'm a real live boy.

joey: i will not take this abuse.

chandler:you are right,i.m sorry. once i was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..

joey:you should both know that he is dead man..oh, chandler..

monica:so how you doing today. you sleep ok?talk to barry? i cann't stop smiling.

rachel: i can see there. you look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.

monica:i know. he is just so..so..you remeber you and tony demarco?

rachel:yeah.

monica:it is like that, with feelings.

rachel:oh, are you in trouble.

monica: big time.

rachel: want a wedding dress? hardly used..

monica: ok. i think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves here. i am gonna get up, go to work and not think about him all day, or i'm just get up and go to work.

rachel:hey,mon,wish me luck.

monica: what for?

rachel: i'm gonna get one of those job things.

frannie:hey, monica.

monica:hey frannie,welcome back, how was florida?

frannie:you had sex, didn't you?

monica:how do you do it?

frannie:oh i hate you, i was pushing my aunt roz through parrot jungle and you were having sex, so who?

monica:you know paul?

frannie:paul,the wine guy paul?yeah i know paul.

monica: you mean you know paul like i know paul?

frannie:are you kidding?i take credit for paul.you know before me there was no snap in his turtle for two years.

joey:of course it was a line.

monica:why.why. why would anybody do something like that?

ross: i assume we are looking for an answer more sopiscated than to get you into bed.

monica: i hate men. i hate men.

phoebe:oh, don't hate.you don't want to put that out into the universe.

monica: is it me? is it like i have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

phoebe: all right,come me .give me you feet.

monica: i just thought he was nice, you know?

joey:i still cann't believe you didn't know it was a line...

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