That’s Elon Musk waving at me on his way into the HBO Emmy Awards party in 2013. A few months before I took that picture, Musk and I spent 45 minutes on the phone. We talked because I wanted to apologize for something I did. Musk kindly accepted my apology. The experience made me a better writer.

那是埃隆·马斯克(Elon Musk)在2013年HBO艾美奖颁奖晚会的路上向我招手。在我拍摄照片的几个月前，马斯克和我在电话上花费了45分钟。 我们之所以进行交谈是因为我想为自己所做的事情道歉。 马斯克诚挚地接受我的道歉。 经验使我成为了一个更好的作家。

I treated Musk poorly and unfairly during a period in my career when I routinely wrote things I regret. I wrote them to get attention without regard to the people I was writing about. Musk is the most high-profile person to call me out and set me straight. Seven years later, I’m still super glad he did.

在我的职业生涯中，我经常写我后悔的事情时，我对马斯克的态度很差而且不公平。 我写它们的目的是为了引起人们的关注，而无视我正在写的人。 马斯克(Musk)是最引人注目的人，叫我直说。 七年后，我仍然很高兴他做到了。

In this article, I detail what happened and relay the lessons I learned from Musk that made me not only a better writer, but also a nicer and happier human.

在本文中，我详细介绍了发生的情况，并转述了我从马斯克学到的教训，这些经验不仅使我成为更好的作家，而且使我变得更快乐，更快乐。

In 2013, I attended SXSW. I went to a Q&A Musk did with TED’s Chris Anderson. I wrote about the experience as a columnist on financial media platform TheStreet.com:

2013年，我参加了SXSW。 我参加了问答活动，马斯克和TED的克里斯·安德森(Chris Anderson)在一起。 我写了一篇关于金融媒体平台TheStreet.com的专栏作家的经历：

Right around the middle of the talk, Anderson pointed out that Musk has five children. Musk replied in the affirmative, saying that “kids are awesome” and everybody in the audience “should have kids.” Musk then said, however, that he doesn’t see his kids much, adding, “I do email while I’m with my children. And I keep a nanny around — so they don’t kill each other.” He also made the absurd claim that his kids are at an age where they do not require his undivided attention.

在谈话的中间，安德森指出马斯克有五个孩子。 马斯克对此表示肯定，说“孩子们真棒”，观众中的每个人“都应该有孩子”。 然而，马斯克说，他对孩子的看法不多，并补充说：“我和孩子们在一起时会发电子邮件。 而且我一直保姆-这样他们就不会互相杀戮。” 他还提出荒谬的说法，即他的孩子处在不需要他全神贯注的年龄。

I argued that if former Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer said the same thing the media would have ridiculed her, yet very few outlets even mentioned Musk’s comments. Earlier that year, the media hammered Mayer for banning work-from-home at the company:

我认为，如果前雅虎！ 首席执行官玛丽莎·梅耶尔(Marissa Mayer)说过同样的话，媒体也会嘲笑她，但很少媒体甚至提到马斯克的评论。 那年早些时候，媒体抨击梅耶(Mayer) 禁止公司在家工作：

(Mayer) got trashed endlessly for a whole week as… anti-working Mom because of the work-at-home thing and her move to, reportedly, pay for a nursery adjacent to her Yahoo! office. Meantime, Musk makes comments that are just absolutely brutal in comparison and there’s nary a peep.

(Mayer)整整一个星期都被无休止地浪费了，因为……因为在家工作而无法工作的妈妈，据报道她搬到了与Yahoo相邻的托儿所付款！ 办公室。 同时，马斯克发表的评论与之相比绝对是残酷的，几乎没有窥视之处。

While I was probably correct on the Mayer comparison, the way I went about it was wrong. I ran hard with the Musk “story” beyond one article. I went after him on Twitter. I goaded Musk. I wanted him to call me out. If somebody of Musk’s stature mentions me, it — in my mind at the time — benefits me.

虽然在Mayer比较中我可能是正确的，但我的解决方法是错误的。 除了一篇文章外，我对马斯克的“故事”也很努力。 我在Twitter上追了他。 我上了麝香。 我希望他叫我出去。 如果麝香的身材有人提到我，那在我当时的脑海中就会使我受益。

There’s no such thing as bad publicity! Except there is. Hacks think there’s no such thing as bad publicity. I was little more than a shameless hack.

没有不好的宣传！ 除了那里。 骇客认为没有所谓的不好宣传。 我不过是一个无耻的黑客。

Musk replied to one of the tweets I directed @ him. I can’t, for the life of me, find the tweet. At the time, I had other issues with Tesla, the company. Before I knew it, Musk’s assistant reached out via email to set up a call. By the end of the day, we set a time. The next day, my phone rang, and Musk’s assistant patched me into the founder and CEO — I imagine it’s what it feels like to get connected to the President (present office holder excluded).

马斯克回答了我发给他的一条推文。 对于我的一生，我找不到推文。 当时，我在公司Tesla方面遇到其他问题。 在我不知不觉中，马斯克的助手通过电子邮件联系到建立了电话。 在一天结束之前，我们确定了一个时间。 第二天，我的电话响了，马斯克的助手把我安排给了创始人和首席执行官-我想这就是与总统建立联系的感觉(不包括现任办公室负责人)。

Musk wasn’t demanding an apology. He just couldn’t figure out why I was going after him, and so aggressively. Ahead of the call, I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. I figured Musk might scold me and hang up — end of conversation. So I made the decision to apologize before he had the chance.

马斯克不要求道歉。 他只是不知道为什么我要这么追他。 打电话之前，我很紧张。 我不知道会发生什么。 我想马斯克可能会骂我，然后挂断电话-谈话结束。 所以我决定在他有机会之前道歉。

Here’s how the beginning of the call went. I’m paraphrasing, given that this took place more than seven years ago:

通话开始的方式如下。 鉴于此事发生于七年前，我在解释一下：

Elon Musk: Rocco!

伊隆·马斯克：罗科！

Rocco: Elon Musk! How are you?

罗科：伊隆·马斯克！ 你好吗？

Elon Musk: I’m fine, you?

伊隆·马斯克(Elon Musk)：我很好，你呢？

Rocco: (Nervous). Good. Listen, I just want to say I’m sorry for the article and going after you. I made it personal. I have been doing this for a long time. You write a lot of articles and say a lot of things and sometimes you just miss. You go over the line. I did this time and I’m sorry.

罗科：(神经)。 好。 听着，我只是想对这篇文章以及您的采访感到抱歉。 我将它设为个人。 我已经做了很长时间了。 您写了很多文章，说了很多话，有时您只是想念。 你越过线。 这次我做了，对不起。

Elon Musk: It’s all good. Let’s talk about something else! Do you have any questions?

Elon Musk：一切都很好。 我们谈些别的吧！ 你有任何问题吗？

And that was it. He couldn’t have been cooler. I don’t think he was trying to, but he also couldn’t have made me feel any worse. Here I was rallying around a non-story for several days, making it personal. And, here he was, graciously accepting my apology like it wasn’t even necessary. Without missing a beat, Musk stayed on the phone talking about Tesla like a tenured professor for the next 45 minutes. I have never had a more informative call with a CEO.

就是这样。 他再酷不过了。 我认为他没有这样做，但他也无法让我感到更糟。 在这里，我围绕着一个非故事性建筑集结了几天，使其变得个性化。 而且，在这里，他很客气地接受了我的道歉，甚至没有必要。 在接下来的45分钟里，马斯克不遗余力地通电话，像任职教授一样谈论特斯拉。 我从未与CEO进行过更详尽的咨询。

Musk has said and done a lot of things since that phone call. All of this aside, the primary thing I learned was, going forward, I wanted to be the person humbly accepting the apology, not the one sheepishly making it. While I’ve had my share of interpersonal stumbles since then, the interaction with Elon Musk set me on a course to be better, as a writer and person.

自那个电话以来，马斯克已经说了很多，做了很多事情。 抛开所有这些，我学到的主要内容是，向前迈进，我想成为一个谦虚地接受道歉的人，而不是一个令人生厌的人。 从那以后，尽管我遇到了很多人际交往障碍，但与埃隆·马斯克(Elon Musk)的互动使我走上了一个更好的道路，成为一名作家和一个人。

Following the call, I apologized publicly in a follow-up article:

接到电话后，我在后续文章中公开道歉：

Whether I was right or wrong about Musk (or neither), I was out of line. I took one comment Musk made in front of a sell-out crowd at SXSW and ignored everything else he said. The thing he said about parenting his kids rubbed me the wrong way and I ran with it. That’s the type of thing so many members of the media do to people on a daily basis. I did it. And I am angry with myself for falling victim.

无论我对马斯克是对还是错(或都不是)，我都错了。 我对马斯克在SXSW的售罄人群面前发表的评论不予理he。 他说的关于为孩子做父母的话，以一种错误的方式抚摩了我，我对此表示赞同。 这是许多媒体每天对人们做的事情。 我做的。 我为自己成为受害者而生自己的气。

The Musk incident highlights several lessons writers should keep in mind when they consider overarching approaches to their work and before every article they write. I do my best to live by these tenets as a writer and person because you really can’t separate the two.

马斯克事件凸显了作家在考虑总体工作方法时以及撰写每篇文章之前应牢记的几个教训。 我尽我所能按照这些原则作为作家和个人生活，因为您真的无法将两者分开。

I want to be the person humbly accepting the apology, not the one sheepishly making it.

我想成为一个谦虚地接受道歉的人，而不是一个讨厌地道歉的人。

不要成为每个人的作家 (Don’t Be the Writer Who Rips Everybody)

It’s even more difficult to cut through writing on the internet in 2020 than it was in 2013. It was hard then, just not the way it is today. There’s so much content. So many people saying some variation of the same thing, or often, saying the same thing the same way. We’re all trying to figure out how to make our mark, draw in readers, and cultivate an audience.

与2013年相比，2020年在互联网上进行写作的难度更大。那时很难，只是今天不行。 内容太多了。 如此多的人说相同事物的某种变体，或者经常说相同事物的相同方式。 我们都在努力寻找如何打出自己的烙印，吸引读者并培养受众的方法。

It’s tempting to do what I did in and around 2013. I took the easy route. Most of what I wrote had a negative component or was wholly negative. I ripped companies. I trashed CEOs. I got personal. I looked for anything I could exploit and turn into provocative fodder. It’s not that I didn’t do good work. I did. I can show you examples. But most everything had an edge. Too often, it went over the line. Too frequently, it was all bombast and no substance.

做我在2013年左右前后所做的事情很诱人。我走了简单的路。 我写的大部分内容都是负面的或完全是负面的。 我撕破了公司。 我丢了首席执行官。 我很个人 我在寻找可以利用的任何东西，并变成挑衅性的饲料。 不是说我做得不好。 是的 我可以给你看例子。 但是大多数事情都有优势。 很多时候，它越过了线。 太频繁了，全是轰炸，没有任何实质内容。

It’s easy to be the writer who rips everybody. Eventually, it will get you in trouble. At some point, somebody will call you out the way Musk did me. Beyond that, when you spew vitriol you get equal amounts in return. The comments sections of articles I wrote were battlefields. A large segment of readers truly hated me not because we disagreed, but because of how I went about expressing my opinions. It’s not fun to be widely hated. It hurts.

成为一个容易撕毁所有人的作家很容易。 最终，它将给您带来麻烦。 在某个时候，有人会像Musk那样称呼我。 除此之外，当您喷射硫酸时，您可以获得相等的回报。 我写的文章的评论部分是战场。 很大一部分读者真正讨厌我不是因为我们不同意，而是因为我如何表达自己的观点。 被广泛憎恨不是一件好事。 这很痛。

I’m a much more positive writer today. I take my preferences and experiences and package them in a way I hope will help at least a few people be better at something — whether it’s investing, writing, or living the day-to-day. Take your experiences and knowledge and find a way to bring positivity into your writing. Ask yourself, “how is this going to help the reader be better” or simply make them feel good for the few minutes they spend reading my article.

我今天是一个更加积极的作家。 我会收集自己的喜好和经验，并以某种方式打包它们，希望可以帮助至少一些人在某些方面做得更好-无论是投资，写作还是日常生活。 汲取您的经验和知识，并找到一种将积极性带入您的写作中的方法。 问问自己，“这将如何帮助读者变得更好”，或者只是让他们在阅读我的文章的几分钟内感觉良好。

Here, too, you get what you give. It doesn’t hurt. It feels absolutely fantastic.

在这里，您也得到了付出。 没伤 感觉绝对很棒。

个性化之前先思考(然后可能不个性化) (Think Before You Make It Personal (Then Probably Don’t Make It Personal))

I didn’t only trash Musk in those days. I made a short career out of going after Apple CEO Tim Cook. It was so bad Cook blocked me on Twitter. I loved Steve Jobs so I decided to hate Tim Cook because I figured it would be good for pageviews. And it was. But it wasn’t worth it.

在那些日子里，我不仅把麝香丢了。 我从事苹果首席执行官蒂姆·库克(Tim Cook)的工作很短暂。 库克在Twitter上阻止了我，真是太糟糕了。 我爱史蒂夫·乔布斯(Steve Jobs)，所以我决定讨厌蒂姆·库克(Tim Cook)，因为我认为这样做对综合浏览量很有帮助。 是的。 但这不值得。

Tim Cook seems like a hell of a guy. I admire and respect what he has done at Apple and outside of Apple as a human being. But you would not have known it throughout 2012 and 2013 when I routinely trashed the guy in my articles.

蒂姆·库克(Tim Cook)看上去像个男人。 我欣赏并尊重他作为人在苹果公司以及苹果公司以外所做的工作。 但是当我在2012年和2013年例行将我的文章逐个丢弃时，您可能还不知道。

Before you write something about somebody ask yourself how you would feel if they wrote something similar about you. Also, consider how the other person might feel if they read what you’re about to write. It could be something you would be fine with. But not everyone will react like you. Have empathy before the other person needs it. It’s humanity 101 — think before you speak. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

在写一些关于某人的东西之前，先问问自己，如果他们写了一些关于你的东西，你会有怎样的感受。 另外，请考虑如果对方阅读了您要写的内容，可能会有什么样的感受。 您可能会满意。 但并非每个人都会像您一样做出React。 在他人需要同理之前。 这是人性101 –在讲话前先思考。 把自己放在另一个人的鞋子里。

This doesn’t mean you can’t have a problem with someone and express it. It just means don’t get personal. I wrote an article once with the headline “If Steve Jobs Were Alive, He Would Fire Tim Cook.” Beyond being flat wrong and blatantly stupid, it was a low blow. Tim Cook knew Steve Jobs. I’m sure he loved the guy. And here I was mindlessly stoking a fire that didn’t exist just to generate interest and attention.

这并不意味着您可以与某人有问题并表达出来。 这只是意味着不要变得个性化。 我曾经写过一篇标题为“如果史蒂夫·乔布斯还活着，他将解雇蒂姆·库克”的文章。 除了平庸的错误和公然的愚蠢之外，这是一个很小的打击。 蒂姆·库克认识史蒂夫·乔布斯。 我确定他爱那个家伙。 在这里，我漫不经心地燃起了不曾引起人们关注和关注的大火。

如果您遇到某人问题，请先与他们交谈 (If You Have a Problem With Somebody, Talk to Them About It First)

Sometimes you’ll have an issue with someone and it’s absolutely warranted. Sometimes you need to call people out. You might even need to do it with strong words. With few exceptions — like the President probably — you should attempt to get in touch before you write something even a bit inflammatory.

有时您会和某人有问题，这是绝对必要的。 有时您需要叫人。 您甚至可能需要用强硬的话来做。 除少数例外(例如总统)外，您应该在写一些煽动性的文章之前先取得联系。

It’s actually pretty easy to get ahold of most people you want to talk to via social media, email, or even the telephone. If nothing else, you’ll get an assistant on the phone so you can gather information or provide a heads up for something you’re going to write. There is not an executive I haven’t been able to get a hold of — and this includes names as big as Musk. That’s not a humblebrag — it’s just to say hit people up. They’ll appreciate it. And you might end up getting a better, even more positive story out of it in the process.

实际上，通过社交媒体，电子邮件甚至电话可以找到想要与之交谈的大多数人，这很容易。 如果没有其他事情，您会在电话上找到一名助手，以便您收集信息或对要编写的内容进行提醒。 没有一个我一直无法掌握的高管，其中包括和马斯克一样大的名字。 这不是谦虚的说法，而是说打人。 他们会感激的。 在此过程中，您可能最终会得到一个更好，更积极的故事。

Ideally, have the guts to run what you’re going to write by someone, particularly if it gets personal or otherwise sensitive. If it’s merely an innocent difference of opinion, there’s probably no need, but if it’s something that might upset you, it doesn’t hurt to check-in.

理想情况下，要有胆量去运行某人将要编写的内容，尤其是当它变得个人化或敏感时。 如果只是单纯的意见分歧，那么可能就没有必要，但是如果这可能会让您感到不适，那么签入就不会有伤害。

You never know what the other person is going through. And you don’t know the other person’s perspective unless you ask. The latter was the case with Elon Musk. He owed me nothing, but he provided context around his parenting comments. Context I should have sought prior to going after him in an article and on Twitter. On our call, we spent most of the time discussing Tesla. He actually gave me a scoop I was able to write about. There’s nothing better than making an honest and genuine human connection.

您永远都不知道对方正在经历什么。 除非你问，否则你不知道对方的观点。 后者就是埃隆·马斯克(Elon Musk)的情况。 他没有欠我任何钱，但他提供了关于父母教养的评论。 在我在文章和Twitter上追随他之前，我应该已经寻求过。 在通话中，我们大部分时间都在讨论Tesla。 他实际上给了我一个我能写的独家新闻。 没有比建立诚实和真诚的人际关系更好的了。

I can’t stress enough — you’ll feel better if you take a positive approach to writing. I used to cut people down for a living. It started wearing on me. That’s the beauty of the Medium platform. A majority of authors appear to truly want to disseminate information and experiences as a means of helping other people. You can get noticed by adopting this style. Take it from me, you’ll not only get noticed, but you’ll also feel better about yourself at the same time.

我承受不了足够的压力-如果您采取积极的写作态度，就会感觉更好。 我曾经以裁员为生。 它开始戴在我身上。 那就是Medium平台的魅力所在。 大多数作者似乎确实希望传播信息和经验，以作为帮助他人的一种手段。 您可以通过采用这种样式来注意到。 从我这里得到它，您不仅会受到关注，而且同时也会让自己感觉更好。