prologue:It's hard to name this article

Today means a lot to me,which is a milestone from which I start to make notes of study summary without paper and pens.

It’s my first time to use CSDN formally and it’s also the first time for me to write blog in my life.

In the past many yaers,I haven’t been konwing what I really like.To be exact,I don’t know how to make a living in the future in a way I like,which may also bewilder reasonable quantity of people so far.During that phase,I just know that I like playing video games rather than studying knowledge and if when it only comes to study,I prefer learning Math and English.Additionally,liking something doesn’t mean being good at something and I am not a talent player both in playing and studying.I don’t have the ability and nerve to talk to foreigner who speak English at present yet and I really want to have some English-speaking friends.

Fortunately,I learned a leason named operations research at college,which opened a window for me to know computer science.The reason for I think I am luck is that learning computer science combines all about Math、English and something related with playing videogames coincidentally,which are just what I like. Not only that,I can earn money by doing what I like if I turn to be a computer specialist,rather than cost money to do favourite things like someothers.

Soon afterwards ,I try to learn some lessons about computer science.Reputedly,software learning may be easier than hadrware learning,so I firstly bought some old textbook of software engineering in the bookstore near my college.

After then,I aborted my major completely and was immersed into the textbooks I bought.
It’s the happiest time in my college to read my books in leisure time,although it’s hard for me to understand these books.

I have always been awkard and got lost in the too much knowledge,I wished someone could explain my question at any time so that I can study more effectily.But the true is that in the early time of learning these,if I have something that don’t understand and search for these on the Internet,the various answers always elicited more things I couldn’t understand,which made me a little dejected.It is a pity that I am not good at social contact and I don’t have a friend whose major is computer science to answer my questions so far.I am a person who never capitulate to frustration,so inefficient learning hasen’t made me to give up at all,but it made me to got into trouble I am facing now——unemployment.

After graduated,I want to join in IT industry and my character is fit for doing technique but not market.And my deficiency of practical experience made me be rejected by the iFlytek ,which is not so far from my home.Ironically,the recruitment information they posted said that they need interns who has computer related major.Although I am not major in computer,my attitude is very sincere,but they even didn’t give me a chance.Go as the old saying,no one is born a genius,if I always be rejected for I don’t have practical experience,I will never get any practical experience,so that I will never be accepted by any company.

After that,I leaved henan for suzhou to be a assembly line workers in Asus reluctantly under the pressure of my parents.The reason is easy,doing this doesn’t requare any practical experience and leave home can get rid of my parents’ dissatisfaction briefly,but I know this is not what I want.

During the time in factory,I understood how difficult to earn money sheerly.Although the labour strength is not too large,it’s tarnal boring and I must work 12 hours per day,that is,when I off work to apartment,I am about to fall down to asleep and don’t have vigor to go on studying computer science.So I usually kept a watchful eye on recruitment information.Most of them are shown as that recruiting undergraduate with1 to 3 years working experience in computer related field.I know I was far from this requarement and it’s obvious that I didn’t send my resume to them,I despised myself.

The long I stay at factory,the more knowledge about computer I forgot,tired and anxiety haunted me eyeryday.I gradually deviated from original aspiration.Then I changed my mind,I just wanted to leave factory,anyway,I can’t do what I want due to the bad market condition and I don’t want to be a lier who deny the fact that I am not major in computer and I don’t have practical experience.

Suddenly one day I found a message that there would be a job fair at suzhou talent market,in which there were two companys recruiting interns of software developing and they said that old staff will teach new employees with no practical experience.That is a rare opportunity for me,and I was absent from work in factory without hesitation in order to join the job fair.

Star-crossed,one of the two companies said they had recruited enough when I arrived at the spot and they will contact me if they need more people.Maybe their recruit information was too seductive and I came late.

Ok,there also had another company that recruited interns.They said that I would be interviewed that afternoon after they saw my curriculum vitae.However,when I got there,I found it was a training institution.

We had a talk for a afternoon that day,they said people having a basic knowledge of computer,just like me,would must be employed after their training and I was a little into what they said,but the exorbitant fee thwarted me,although they said I can have an installment loan.Considering that if after half of a year,I not only earn no money but also have a twenty thousand debt,my parents will get mad at me,furthermore,the total money in my pocket couldn’t afford me to be released from my regular work to study for over six monthes,I finally left there.Now in retrospect,if I had enough money to supporting my six monthes’ learning at that time,maybe I would have attended the training.
On account of I was absent from work for three days,I was fired,and I didn’t sorry about this,inversely it’s a liberation for me.The most important thing was to find a place to go,so I went to shanghai,where I am now,for two of my friends are work here,I will never forget their kindness to me, if they didn’t take me in when I was down and out,it’s hard to imagine where I am now.

I can sigh of relief now,but not too long.Later,my parents contacted me,asking for my current situation and transfered me two thousand yuan.I was a little grieved that day,I still had to live off my parents who are age over half a hundred and one of them has retired.I hate myself,for my timid and impuissance.Why many things are easy to others but so difficult to me.Why the market is so grim to the rookies with great gumption just like me.I know training the newbie costs much,but I don’t think I am too stupid to be trained by old employee.If I got a position of software developing,I would devote all myself to be a excellent staff but not to be a moth of the enterprise.I am keen on to do this and it’s hard for setbacks to change my determination to engage in software development.

Yeah,I have nothing but the spirit of “still moving under gunfire”.“still moving under gunfire” is a song of JJ Lin and this is also the slogan of his clothing brand,which is charmful to me.I will fight for my dream,exactly as “adhere to the belief is all I have, arrived in the heart of the vast”,do you know which song I am saying?Here,I have to say that if I have much free time afterly,I would like to learn playing guitar.Playing out the chord of the songs I love is a happiness,I love over ninety percent of JJ Lin’s song and it’s obvirously he is my favorite musician.I am a man after all,so I don’t crazy about his private life like some girl fans,I appriciate his music more.And if I have enough money,I am glad to go his concert.

It is 10/29/2019 now.My best wish is to find a job before 2020,I will update this blog continuously to share my feels in daily life when I am free.

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